just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
