I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You're like the curious george of whores
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
