if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
