Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
