Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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