So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
