Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
