just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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