I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
