btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
