Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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