I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
