I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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