11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
