Duck Duck Cougar?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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