You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
