So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
