Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
