Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
