epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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