I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
