Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
