goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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