No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
