Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
