he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
