Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
