PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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