I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
