apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
