You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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