I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
