But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
