we're chasing vodka with high fives
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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