There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
