when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
