If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
