Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
