You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
