he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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