I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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