you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
