I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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