ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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