god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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