My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
