can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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