i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
