so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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