A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
