ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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