i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
