Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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