how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
