did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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