I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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