I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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