I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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