3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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