i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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